Compassionate, informed advice about healthcare decision making

Archive for July, 2024

“Can I do this again?” — Men, Aging, and Performance

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“They” say men of a certain age are concerned about performance. Last week, while hiking the Big Schloss in 97-degree heat, this crossed my mind as I asked myself, “Can I do this again?”

Sundown on the Big Schloss

My bladder cancer surgery in May canceled a long-planned trip to see my adult children and my teenaged grands. I missed my grandson’s high school graduation and my youngest daughter’s engagement party. Unfortunately, those events can never be duplicated, but I hoped this trip would compensate for lost time.

In the last two weeks, I made the delayed trip to the D.C. suburbs of Virginia, my home from 1978 to 2017. Just like when I traveled the country speaking, once I had a destination, I looked into how I could spend some time in the great outdoors — preferably including wilderness travel.

“Grandpa, how did you get into hiking and backpacking?”

Hank & grands on 2016 hike

I used to take my three grands on overnight backpacking or car camping trips. They have slept with bugs, spiders, mice, snakes, and other inconveniences and even encountered a bear. They were always good sports at the time but have declined invitations to repeat any of these adventures in recent years.

So now on my trips to visit family, I try to plan a meal with just my grandkids and me to get some quality time and have an “ask-me-anything” session. This time, we went to Chili’s right after I returned from an overnight in the woods.

Out to eat with the grands.

Over hamburgers and fries, my grandson asked, “Grandpa, how did you get into hiking and backpacking?” I thought back. It was actually a chance reading of a Redbook magazine article. In 1971, while I was in seminary, I had taken their grandmother to the doctor’s office. This was back before we could occupy ourselves with phones when waiting rooms were piled with old magazines.

Hank, left, and Charles. First backpack trip, 1974

The Redbook article was about a five-day backpacking trip into the backcountry of Yellowstone National Park. The writer was in one of the most visited parks in the country, and they never encountered another human during the whole trip. I said to myself, “I want that.”

Thus, my love of wilderness camping was born in the waiting room of a doctor’s office. It took a while, but my first overnight carry-everything-on-my-back-away-from-roads-and-the-grid trip was on March 1, 1974.

My most recent trip was July 16, 2024.

“Can I do this again?”

As I mentioned, while planning this last trip, I wanted to add a night in the woods amid visits to family and friends. The Big Schloss was an ideal choice, less than a two-hour drive from Northern Virginia. “Schloss” is the German word for castle, and the rocks on the summit indeed look like a castle from below.

No tent, just a tarp, priceless

It is only a two-mile hike and 850 feet of elevation gain to the campsite near the summit. I have probably slept on this mountain thirty times since my first trip there in 1980, when I introduced my then-six-year-old son to backpacking.

While I was a hospice chaplain, I even figured out a way to hike the Big Schloss on a workday in the summer. Because of the long daylight hours, I could leave my last patient at 5 PM, arrive at the trailhead by 7, and set camp by sundown around 9. Then, I would wake at first light in the morning, pack up, drive home, shower, and be at work by 10.

I invited my future son-in-law, Will, to join me on last week’s trip. Though he never backpacked or spent much time in the woods, he said yes. So, we left the trailhead and headed up the mountain together. The first half mile is all uphill, about 600 feet. Next, an up-and-down walk along the ridge that forms the Virginia and West Virginia border. Finally, the last quarter of a mile is all uphill, about 200 feet.

The 97-degree heat, the incline, and the 35 pounds on my back all made this a brutal hike. We made it, but to be honest, it took me several hours to recover. While recovering, we set up our tarps to sleep under and cooked dinner. After dinner we had an enjoyable campfire with some “deep thoughts” conversation.

Who was I trying to convince, “Yes, I CAN do this again”? Will, who is a strong twentysomething? You, who are reading this blog? Myself? The Universe? All the above?

A surprise test

Hank & Will, on the way down from the Big Schloss

It is not just my bladder cancer but my age that thrusts this question upon me. I will NOT be able to do this forever. Stroke, heart failure, or cancer could disable or kill me. Did I just take my last backpacking trip? Perhaps.

I don’t want to make this sound morbid. Au contraire, this is a moment to be thankful for all those wilderness outings, particularly for this most recent one.

Before returning to Arlington, Will and I stopped for breakfast at a diner on Route 11 in Woodstock, Virginia. I congratulated him over coffee, eggs, sausage, biscuits, and grits. “Will, you passed the test. You can marry my daughter.”

Surprised, he said, “TEST? I didn’t know this backpacking trip was a test!”

Oh yeah. It was. For both of us.

[NOTE: I did a short video while backpacking, talking all this. CLICK HERE]

__________________

Author Chaplain Hank Dunn, MDiv, has sold over 4 million copies of his books Hard Choices for Loving People and Light in the Shadows (also available on Amazon).

Follow Hank: LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

Cancer and Things Done and Things Left Undone

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Since my bladder cancer diagnosis in May, I have found myself clearing my calendar to allow the next steps in my care to unfold. I am trying to prioritize what I need to do and what can be left undone.

Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

We met with the doctor last week, reviewed my current situation, and mapped out the next steps in treatment. He is still optimistic that he got all the cancer in the first surgery, even though a second surgery is required to make sure.

Along with the surgery comes weeks of recovery tethered to a catheter and its bag o’ urine. Then, there will be six weekly treatments with more scopes and tests.

In the grand scheme of things, these burdens do not seem too great when I think of patients I have cared for over the years as their hospice chaplain. I am not complaining, nor do I feel life is treating me unfairly. This is all part of life.

Things Left Undone

This newfound status as a cancer patient makes me think of some things that really can be left UNDONE.

I canceled a routine appointment with my optometrist last week. My glasses and “readers” both work fine, even though I occasionally rely on a magnifying glass. I do need to look into having cataract surgery, but that will have to be left UNDONE for now.

I’ve already had my last colonoscopy a couple of years ago. Even before my cancer, I had accepted the guidelines that there was no need to screen for something that would not kill me before my life expectancy of ten years. And… oh yeah… that was my life expectancy before my cancer diagnosis. A colonoscopy can be left UNDONE.

As an aside, I found a GeriPal podcast that discusses stopping mammography somewhere between 70 and 75 because there is no benefit for a woman who has no history of breast cancer and who is not expected to live another 10 years.

Things Done

On the other hand, after being diagnosed with bladder cancer, I started a list titled, “Hope for the best, plan for the worst.” I can still work on these items to render them things DONE.

In the immediate future, I will take a road trip to visit my three children and four grands. I have made this trek two or three times a year for several years. I love driving long distances; this one is over 3,000 miles round trip. I will listen to books and podcasts, see my people, and visit friends, some of them going back to the 1970s. I will also visit places that will bring back so many memories. I want to get this DONE.

What will I listen to on this trip? The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer by Siddartha Mukherjee. I heard of the 2015 book just this week. I probably would not have been interested in 2015 BC — Before Cancer.

I started a project before Christmas and got stuck. My wife had asked for a bound book of photos chronicling our daughter’s life. I have sorted through hundreds of pictures, but many more remain. This needs to be moved onto the DONE list.

Finally, another kernel of an idea floating in my head is a “life story” in pictures. I wrote a previous blog about the “spiritual autobiography” I gave my family on my 75th birthday last year. So, this would expand the autobiography and incorporate photos I have going back my early days. Get ‘er DONE.

“By what we have done, and by what we have left undone”

These words are familiar to Episcopalians. We recite them every Sunday as part of our confession. It goes, “…we confess that we have sinned against thee in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.”

Full disclosure: I am more of an “original blessing” guy than “original sin” guy. I give little thought to sin and much appreciation for my blessings. Nonetheless, I borrowed the wording of things “done” and things “left undone” to help me incorporate my cancer diagnosis into the living of these days.

This blog is DONE.

[I explored this same content on a video I posted yesterday on YouTube.]

___________________

Author Chaplain Hank Dunn, MDiv, has sold over 4 million copies of his books Hard Choices for Loving People and Light in the Shadows (also available on Amazon).

Follow Hank: LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

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