“I’ll drag mother down to my car and take her to the emergency room myself,” she told me.
The patient had left verbal and written instructions that she did not want to have life-saving treatments when she was dying. A “No CPR” order was on her chart. Knowing her daughter’s feelings, the old lady chose her son as her power of attorney. She conspicuously omitted any mention of her daughter in the document.
I met this patient, her son, and daughter while I was a nursing home chaplain. By that time, the patient had severe dementia, so healthcare decisions were in the hands of the son. The daughter commented about taking her mom to the emergency room in one of our earlier conversations.
A recent issue of Hospice News featured a story about how healthcare institutions are open to lawsuits if they do not honor a patient’s wishes to refuse life-sustaining treatment. We almost always think it is the right thing to save a life. But there are cases of “wrongful life.” That is, saving a patient’s life who had chosen to let a natural death happen.
As it typically happens, the nursing home patient I ministered to went into a slow downward decline. Even the daughter eventually realized that when her mother’s heart finally stopped, it was time. Thankfully, there was no schlepping the poor old lady into the car.
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Chaplain Hank Dunn is the author of Hard Choices for Loving People: CPR, Feeding Tubes, Palliative Care, Comfort Measures and the Patient with a Serious Illness and Light in the Shadows. Together they have sold over 4 million copies. You can purchase his books at hankdunn.com or on Amazon.
How many times have we seen in an obituary, “He died peacefully at home with his family gathered around him.” Families wear this as a badge of honor. They provided the best of care and met the patient’s wishes to remain at home.