Photo by Chris F, Pexels
Have you ever laughed at a funeral? It might happen more often than you think. I’ve joked that laughing at a funeral is to be expected. After all, what are the first three letters of “funeral?”
Of course, I wouldn’t say this to a grieving family. But when I am sitting vigil with a family in the last hours or days of their person’s life, or when I’m preparing for a funeral, I make sure to ask, “Tell me a funny story about your dad.” Or “Did your mother have a favorite joke?”
Almost always, when a family member gives a eulogy, they include some humor. Even in the saddest of times, people want to remember the laughter.
These thoughts came to mind on a recent camping trip as I was reading Margaret Renkl’s book, The Comfort of Crows: A Backyard Year.
Camping and Reading
Camping and reading
Full disclosure here: Renkl’s book has been on my nightstand for at least six months, maybe for 18, since the Christmas I received it as a gift. I read books more when I am out of cell phone range, where there is no wi-fi, and I am by myself in the woods. So I decided to pack it.
Margaret Renkl is a regular columnist for the New York Times. Her Crows book is a gathering of essays about the natural world she observes in her own backyard near Nashville, Tennessee. Occasionally, she expresses concern about the negative effects of climate change that she can see before her very eyes.
“We are creatures built for joy”
The following paragraphs come on the heels of her expressing her concerns about the world:
“We are creatures built for joy. At the very saddest funerals, we can hear a funny story about our lost beloved, and, God help us, we laugh. We can stagger out of an appointment where a person in a white coat has given us the news we think we cannot bear to hear, and still we smile at the baby in the checkout line clapping her chubby hands at the balloons by the cash register or kicking her feet in pleasure at the sight of a stranger’s smile.
“This is who we are. The very best of who we are.”
You can see why my “grief and joy” antennae perked up upon reading this. Renkl concludes,
Margaret Renal
“The world is burning, and there is no time to put down the water buckets. For just an hour, put down the water buckets anyway. Take your cue from the bluebirds, who have no faith in the future but who build the future nevertheless, leaf by leaf and straw by straw, shaping them into the roundness of the world.
“Turn your face up to the sky. Listen. The world is trembling into possibility. The world is reminding us that this is what the world does best. New life. Rebirth. The greenness that rises out of ashes.”
Margaret Renkl, The Comfort of Crows, p. 57
Photo: Kevin Blanzy, Pexels
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Author Chaplain Hank Dunn, MDiv, has sold over 4 million copies of his books Hard Choices for Loving People and Light in the Shadows (also available on Amazon).
Several years ago, I spoke at the Centra Hospital in Lynchburg, Virginia. There were about 50 people in the room, including members of the clergy, physicians, nurses, social workers, and just plain folks. I divided my presentation, the first half devoted to helping patients and families make end-of-life decisions, and the second half to the emotional and spiritual issues at the end of life.
About six months after the patient died, the lady visited her friend. The now-widow said, “I made a mistake. I made the wrong decision. I should have left the tube out and let him die sooner.”